Oh Jonah...

I wrote a song while I was sick called "Jonah." Oh Jonah... How very much I have been learning from this man! I feel bad for the guy, though, and the bad rap he's always gotten in Sunday school... the guy who didn't obey God... the guy who so foolishly tried to run away from God... the guy who caused a storm and finally got thrown overboard... the guy who Moby Dick threw up...then who preached...and hated that it worked! Then who lost his shade-providing-vine to a God-provided worm...

This poor guy- I was thinking about his story today, and I thought, "I bet Jonah changed a lot later on in his life. We just don't hear about it because, well, usually people only remember and tell about your faults." But his is a story we learn from, nonetheless, and I am learning a lot.

I do think that God was so patient with Jonah, despite the CRAZY catastrophes that pile up against him. He let Jonah run, but He did not relent His love. He let Jonah hide, but He sought out that "lost coin" of a man as if Jonah were the only option for sending. And He let Jonah sleep, but He shook him awake with "a bump in the night." Then a big fish swallowed Jonah. Then he cried out to God.

And even after getting spit out onto dry land, Jonah still had his tiff with God... for, what a merciful God Jonah knew him to be...

God's grace and compassion meant that Jonah would finally obey and spread some news to Ninevah. And those Ninevites would repent to receive God's grace and compassion themselves. "Slow to anger, abounding in love."--Jonah knew this to be true of his God... he knew it because he had experienced it himself.

And he's STILL resenting God's forgiveness of them??!

Oh Jonah...don't you remember that you "once were far away" too? Don't you remember how, like the rest, you "were by nature an object of wrath"?? But, "because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy" didn't relent, sought you out, woke you up, swallowed you, released you, called you again, and used you... Oh Jonah...
...Do you really still think it is only something He does for you???

Or can you hear God's whisper in your ear--"By the gift of grace given you through the working of My power"...this grace given to you "to preach to the Gentiles." Oh Jonah, by the power of all the unimagineable things God has done for you, "make plain to everyone the administration of this mystery, which for ages past was kept hidden in God, who created all things." Because, is it not His intent that, now, through you, "the manifold wisdom of God should be made known to the rulers and authorities"???
And isn't it so that you "may approach God with freedom and confidence"???
(Paul writes this stuff in Ephesians 2)

But, Jonah, "it wasn't because of what you have done." Can you hear Him whispering?
"Left to yourself, you would have run farther than the furthest of these..."

Oh Jonah, God has SAVED you from your own imploding nature! And what's more--He has brought out your hatred of those who so readily accept that same Love! When will you learn to share in God's love for...
God's love for you--God's love for them...
When will you learn to share... God's heart?


Ah...but Jonah's not a "bad" guy... he's just a little afraid and a little jealous...

And we all have a little Jonah in us...

In fact, some of us...most of us... ARE Jonah.

Well, for those of you who identify... here's the song I wrote while I was sick... I sang it at the Stirring on Sunday... And I'll be singing it again tomorrow night at Erase the Dark...
...in case you want to hear what might sound like something God whispers to us Jonahs...

Oh Jonah...
This one's for you.

"Jonah"
You've been looking for a sign-
Is your life divine?
Don't ignore all the little things
That I've shown you about my dreams.

Don't run away,
I'm trying to wake you.
Don't be afraid,
My love will always take you...

...And it will make your heart like mine
...like mine.

You say that it couldn't be me.
How could I want so many people free?
Oh but come touch my hands-
It's all a part of my love plan.

So don't run away,
I'm trying to wake you.
Don't be afraid,
My love will always take you...

...And it will make your heart like mine
...like mine.

And you're still too scared to smile-
Hiding treasures just like a little child.
But it's time that you grow
Into all the good that I know.

But don't run away,
I've been trying to wake you.
Don't be afraid,
My love will always take you...

...And it will make your heart like mine,
Oh it will make your heart like mine,
Yes it will make your heart like mine...

...like mine.

Danae freakin' Allen

I should totally be doing homework right now... I could kick myself. But I'm in the honoring kind of mood...and, unfortunately for Martin Goldsmith, it's going to be directed towards a real person I know... not my Theology of World Mission textbook at the moment. Sorry, Martin.

So Danae Allen...
She's one of those "really-really" kinds of people. Ya know, the ones where you say, "Oh, she's great. In fact, she's really great... yeah...really REALLY great." (Because you realize just one "really" doesn't quite cut it.)

Danae's a really REALLY great person. Inside and out--I could only think to describe her as BEAUTIFUL if I had to pick ONE word. Of course...that's what ALL women would be described as, in one word, if we, as the human race, had to take a step back, take a look at the Imago Dei interwoven into his creation of man-and-woman...we would describe women as BEAUTIFUL. Even in Greek, the word for "beautiful" also means "good", and God says it was "good" (again...as opposed to "not good" when Adam was alone) after creating the woman.

[...I'm not doing a scholarly work here, so settle down if you're wanting to interject the obvious--"BUT God called the other things 'good' too!" Yeah. Shut up. Just listen to my story about Danae...]

Danae is beautiful. But in more words, she's a brave woman who speaks truth, freedom, and LIFE to those that get lied to, become chained, and want to die in their own despair and self-destruction. She's NOT The Savior (I got your back, Danae, no one should get that kind of mislabel!), but she's pointing people to Him left and right.

She speaks truth--but she does it out of such a gentle love--so if it's hard, it's still hopeful; and if it's correcting, you still know she likes you ;). And when all is said and done, Jesus has become the center once more. (Wow, Danae, you inspire me to see the freedom He offers in all kinds of new lights!)

I've watched it for about a year... in the lives and testimonies of the girls she so "motherly" cares for :). Or maybe it IS the fact that she's such a sister-in-Christ to the core of what that means. Because at the end of the day...
Danae freakin' Allen loves God with all of her heart, soul, mind, and strength...

And that's the kind of "really-really" person that points people to Jesus.

If her 'birth'day never happened...

It's my best friend's birthday today (she has no idea I'm writing this...), but i just got off the phone from leaving her a voice message and was overwhelmed with how crazy-significant her place in my life has been. I'll say I met her sophomore year of high school (since we've both decided that the jealousy-filled awareness of each other freshman year doesn't count... even when I indirectly gave her a cheeto...)

My life hasn't been the same since.

Alex takes life seriously, as I always have... but never to the point of not being able to sit around a coffee shop for hours figuring out different ways of saying, "marijuana" to make it sound like we're speaking some sort of long lost, intense, romance language (You've gotta really get the rolling phlegm behind it). And she takes her faith in Christ even more seriously... but never to the err of shutting out the joys of culture, laughter, and beauty that He gives as such gracious gifts everyday.

I remember the first time I was officially introduced to Alex--outside that good ol' YHS front office, waiting for our parents to progress through the line of the two-mile long traffic that always formed down School Road around 2:47pm. We had a mutual friend, Amy, who has an American Idol voice if I've ever heard one. And Amy (for whatever reason) always dragged me into singing harmonies with her randomly around campus. On this day, Amy was in a City On A Hill mood (as opposed to Celine or Aretha--the more common inspirations). So we loitered around the 'parent-pick-up-spot' gettin our "God of Wonders" on.

...BUT, the reason for "God of Wonders" was no random inspiration at all... in fact, it was pretty intended... I think cause Alex knew I wouldn't be able to say "no."

Through Amy, I was informally (but, yes, now officially) introduced to Alex. And the first thing Alex said???

"Can you sing that 'Lord of heaven and earth' part? Yeah, Amy, you sing the echo... Jenna, you know the 'Lord of heaven and earth' part... it's my favorite part with your voice. Will you sing that part?"

Sheesh. But I did. Cause, freshman-year judgments aside, I had always liked Alex, and I always secretly wanted her to like me.

...They're strange things... people-pleasing tendencies... but sometimes they start friendships that, haha, you realize go a lot deeper than ever being able to "please" the person into loving you. Now, Alex just loves me. It's not all about her favorite part of the song with my voice anymore ;). And I'm not just the timid sophomore looking for some really cool girl's approval.

About me, she knows what's unpleasing--and about her, I know what's not so cool. We actually know each other pretty darn well, I'd say...

...And as I left her that message this morning (my sickly, snotty voice singing "happy birthday" in the most unoriginal, quiet, and boring fashion imagineable) I started thinking, "Boy, I'm really glad God made Alex... twenty-two years ago today, the world got a great gift--I got a great gift... and we didn't even know it yet..."

It's silly, I know. It's simple. But I couldn't help writing about Alex today...Because I just wouldn't be the same if her 'birth'day never happened.

Oh boy

I don't know how life has gotten this way, but lying in bed with a fever on Saturday (snot running down my face, mixed in somewhere with all those salty tears) I figured out that mine... is NUTS. Not in a bad way...
but I really do just want a simple life...

In that moment, I couldn't DO what I needed to be doing... I couldn't "get done" all the things I had planned on "just busting out" over the long-awaited three-day weekend. All I could do was rummage through my bed sheets for a pen that I couldn't find and finally break down from the frustration of realizing that "I don't even know where GOD is right now!" ....SOOOO dramatic. So very reflective of my pent-up, built-up internal battles.

I realized then that I also couldn't go back to my life this way... not in the way that stresses me to the point of illness, not in the way that has me seeing only my failure in every aspect of whatever "work" God has called me to. No--I realized that I must return to my life with FREEDOM. Freedom from... uh... condemnation? judgment? I'm not sure what that looks like though...
Cause EVERYONE judges, and EVERYONE secretly condemns. I DO IT. And I do it to myself as well.

But what God spoke to me--what I haven't been able to put into words until now--is this: "When I speak, you LIVE. When I love, you have FREEDOM. And I want to keep telling you that I love you..."

That's it. Simple.

Why do I try to make myself "better"? Why don't I let Him love me and grow me?
Why do I fear man so much that I want to die when I know I'm letting people down???

Why don't I understand that God does not 'fail' me? (neither in deed nor attribution)
...
And if I am His and He is mine, then I really can be faithful to those we both love...

Out of freedom, not pressure-
Out of life, not condemnation-
Out of deep deep courage, not careless despair-

Out of seeking Him first--the One who is more important to find than a pen in my bed sheets...

That is how I can be faithful. That is the only way I know how to be faithful.

Because if, "I am my beloved's and He is mine."
Then "I can rest assured..." because I belong to HIM...
...I belong to Him...

oh boy... I belong to Him!!!

The blog world needs a quick update.

If Google Blogger had an update spot like facebook, my "status report" right now would read: "Jenna is doing homework, thinking about her boyfriend, thanking God, doing homework, thinking about her boyfriend, thanking God, SINGING to God, thinking about GOD, *whoa--overwhelmed mind,* thanking God some more (!), working on homework, thinking about Bryan (her boyfriend), *blushing,* and getting more and more excited about lunch, the Stirring, and maybe even writing a song to praise God because He is SO so overwhelming... *the song might be called 'So (so) Overwhelming'* ..."

Of course, I realize the whole point of Blogspot is to give updates like these but in more length and detail...but I need to get back to homework...aaaaaand those other few things that have been making my morning so very good :].

Just thought the blog world needed a quick update--about some of the current blessings in my life...

:D

Some Godsip

On Sunday night, Nathan said it is ok to "Godsip" about people. I think I agree. I want to Godsip about Nathan right now and let everyone know that I believe him to be one of the most inspiring and encouraging leaders I've ever had the privilege of serving with.

Nathan is my mentor for Ministry Practicum here at Simpson... and we don't just talk about the song set list for the approaching Sunday... or the team rotations for the coming month (which I clumsily attempt to navigate and repeatedly stumble through)... or the unspoken-but-I'm-sure-they-exist ways in which I've messed something-or-other up over the past few months, or maybe the ways I haven't...
...or even some of the vision God has given in regards to the Stirring community's worship...

No, we don't just talk about those things. We, mostly (in fact), talk about how incredible it is to be following after God's heart. We talk about He humbles us, but also how He loves and lifts us up. Nathan tells me, "It's not just about you being behind a guitar"...but that it's about the way God works through whatever I sing, say, or do that is the point of it all...

I know he's right. And I know he means it.
Nathan is an inspiring, encouraging leader.

It is an honor to be lead by him.



There's your Godsip for the day...

Go spread it around.


(p.s. Nathan's the one in the red)

"At 2211 College View Drive..."

Many good things have happened in my life this semester... and some hard, devastating things... but God has been good throughout both kinds of things, so I have been learning to take it all in strides.

I got to look at the stars tonight, up at Brandy Creek Beach in Whiskeytown. Went with a huge group of friends (steer-headed by the ever initiating and persuasive Matthew Lopez, of course) and we froze our butts off while naming constellations that didn't exist (though, they do now!) and taking pictures as if every flash would be the last blinding light to impair our vision for the following twenty minutes. It's moments like those that make me realize college is an incredible experience to be treasured...even well into the last semester of your senior year.

I wouldn't be the way I am without college...without Simpson, more specifically. Classes have taught me how to think--dorms have taught me how to feel. The Spiritual Formation department here has guided me in so many things, and the faculty and staff, who I owe my ever developing theologically-overloaded-but-essentially-still-hungry mind to, have profoundly impacted my worldview in ways I cannot forget. And because of God's grace--because of God's love--I have overcome things within the property lines of this school address ("Here at 2211 College View Drive..." as Travis Osborne says) that I would never trade for an 'easier way'... Because when I think about God now, He really IS a gracious God who loves and bestows mercy unimaginable...
And knowing this God to the core of my being is what I long for more everyday...what I find has undone me enough so He can be making me over and over. This God does not look at me and say, "Bad"--He has only ever said, "Good," from the very beginning--but He does say "Be made new." With the Word of Christ, God's Voice has resounded, "NEW CREATION!"

At that Voice, my knees keep hitting the floor. I approach God, and I love Him with such a surprising fear--a good fear--while He lifts my face to His and says, "I am making you in Christ... 'If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!' and I am making you in Christ."

I am left on my knees after moments like those...trying to decide if I ever want to leave that place... but God does not leave me there--He does not just speak those things so that I may freeze there, soberly humiliated all my life... He wants me to step into that re-making...and into the new creation of Christ.

...Simpson has been a place where this is happening--for me, for many others. It has been a space to learn--cultivated by those who have looked to see what God is doing and moved by His anointing to participate in some way. It has been a home in which I have learned to listen to the voice of my Father, (though through ears so imperfect), and longed to believe what He says (though through doubts so impeding).

So when I say that many good things have happened this semester, I do take for granted the many GOOD things that have been happening every semester...

It is in this semester, though, that I'm beginning to recognize the fullness of it all...God's fuller story in me...

And it is this semester that has pleasantly surprised me with another story... one about the community of schoolmates, the simple joy of star-gazing, and the delightful blushings of really really (REALLY) good weeks...

:)...