Roadtripping

"I would not be the person I am today if..."




...Nathan completed that sentence last night by giving recognition to a man who had walked with him for a season. Just last Thursday, I completed that sentence at lifegroup... also by giving recognition to someone who had walked with me for a season. Emily Rowlett was her name (it's now Emily Blosser), and I would not be the person I am today if she had not called me out.

Once, I thought I could just stay in the shadows. I loved serving God enough... but I didn't care to be up front... especially up in front of others. Once, I thought that being "up front" would mean being prideful. Really though... my hiding was more prideful in the end. Emily encouraged me not to hide. She called out an anointing that she saw on me... she called out something that I could not see myself. She was God's voice in my life, calling out the spirit of worship that I had never really known what to do with. And we had been roadtripping.

Well, maybe not literally... but from the first day I met Emily, I knew I wanted to walk with her. I knew I secretly wanted her to join with me on my way.

She did.

She came into my life, and I began learning from hers. When she called me out of youth group and into the "big service" on Sunday mornings, I thought to myself, "Why?" Why would she want me to sing with her on Sundays? Why would she want me to play the guitar when my skills were, at best, mediocre?

"I know you live in the shadows of those who you think are 'better' than you, Jenna... I know you think there are others more talented, more qualified..." She could practically read my mind...
"But ya know... I think there's a difference between being 'good' and having an anointing... Jenna, you have an anointing." End of the mind-reading. I was definitely NOT thinking that.
But as much as I wanted to disagree, I could no longer deny what she had seen. And we had been "roadtripping" together long enough that I knew I could trust whatever she intentionally had to tell me. I didn't know she would intentionally tell me something like that.

I was 15 when I met Emily. I was 15 when she began walking with me. I was 18 when she called out that anointing in me... and I'm still struggling with embracing certain things about that... but the seed has been planted nonetheless, and God has not allowed the shadows to keep hindering its growth. Emily and I roadtripped for 3 years... roadtripping with Emily was like growing in a greenhouse. My passion for music came alive. Calling others to worship through music became what I felt alive for...

Of course, there's more to my life than "a worship service"... there was much more to Emily's life too. We just shared in that soundtrack... that roadtrip music... we just shared those songs that gave us space to pray and breathe and come face-to-face with God... we shared an awesome season... there's so much more that I could say about that time of my life. There's a lot more that I could say about how God used Emily in my life--in His calling out of me--in my stepping out into an anointing. And there are others who have called me out... for other seasons. But those are other roadtrip stories.

For now, I just wanted to finish that sentence... because it's true; and it's good.

Really. I would not be the person I am today if Emily hadn't called me out.

So call someone out. Start a roadtrip.

Cause you never know who they could be tomorrow...

It's almost here...

That's right. The quote blog is almost here! I'm thinking about what the appropriate setup would be...and the best colors...

Also, I have the first quote picked out (sorry Dan, it's not "burgers" just yet). I'm now wondering if I should put the quote blog under my profile... or start a new profile altogether...

But there's just one snag:
Blogger sent me a "hold" warning--something about potential "terms of service" violation that I could run into with this thing? Who knew starting a quote blog could be such a legal issue...

(yes, I'm being slightly facetious...)

I bought Jesus coffee today

Have you had a moment in your life when you realize God is changing you? Today I had one of those moments. I just shared with my lifegroup tonight that I used to be really afraid of homeless people.... like, really. But this last Sunday, Dan shared a message about the least...and today, I acted upon it. Normally I don't just tell stories like this. It seems too...self-magnifying to me. But this last Sunday, Dan shared a message about how what you do for the least, you do for Jesus...and today, God changed something in me. So this is not a self-magnifying story. This is a story about how God magnified Himself in my life. This is a story about what He is doing...and how I got to be a part of it.

So here it is.

Meghan and were sitting in Starbucks this morning. I texted her last night telling her that I wished today would be Tuesday (because...well, I love Tuesdays). She texted back... and we decided to meet at Starbucks at eight (because...well, we love Starbucks). So anyway, we're sitting in Starbucks this morning... talking about awesome things... like broken hearts, disappointing relationships, and the current US economy...

...and just when it's getting MORE awesome--cause we're starting to talk about how greedy we all are--Meghan's suddenly looking out the window with confusion written all over her face. "Meghan, we're talking about awesome things here...would you pay attention?" (I didn't say this out loud of course). But then I look too... and there he is... digging through the outside Starbucks trash can... filling up his empty water bottle with left-over, thrown out coffee... Jesus. Well, ok. Maybe it wasn't the Jesus. Like, not Christ Himself. However, if we take that passage in Matthew a little more seriously, then I needed to see this man that we were looking at with some eyes that saw him as Jesus. So I prayed. And then I did. And then... of course... God asked me to act. ugh.... God's an encourager like that.

Well, this man is about to walk away--but I knew I wouldn't be able to let Jesus walk away with coffee from a trash--so I go out and ask him if maybe I could buy him a real cup. "And maybe a new water bottle too?" He accepts. His name is Eddie.

Eddie and I go inside, and while we're waiting in line for coffee, he just begins telling me all about how he doesn't ask for things from people... "because I don't want to be a bother... but you came and offered... so now I can have fresh coffee..." (And as we work our way over to the creamer and sugar table) ..."Ya know, I'm a Christian, and I'm going down to visit my friend in L.A. tomorrow... he's a pastor... I'll have him ask the congregation to pray for you..." (And as he puts the last of approximately 25 sugar packets into his vente, triple shot, black coffee)... "Don't stray from God. He'll take care of you... He's always taken care of me..."

What a lesson I have just learned from Eddie.
What a lesson I have just learned from Jesus.

Eddie wishes me well, and I watch him walk out the door. I go back to my seat next to Meghan...and we just start talking again. About twenty minutes later, Eddie's back.
"Hey, you wouldn't happen to have 6 C batteries would you?" He holds out his stereo and begins to explain that his pastor friend gave him a tape to listen to a long time ago... and Eddie wants to listen to it on the Greyhound bus tomorrow morning. Well I don't have C batteries... "but maybe Longs does," I say. Meghan and I both assist him this time. Meghan buys him batteries... and of course, he's just as talkative as ever. It's awesome though... hearing about his daughter, his pastor friend, his hopes... his dreams...

Once we're done in Longs, we sit outside with Eddie for a couple more minutes... he's telling us deep things now... things about his past, things about his brother... things about his brother's suicide...

Eddie starts weeping. I start praying in silence. I wonder if God is comforting Eddie in this moment... maybe simply by having Meghan and I there...

A couple more minutes pass, and Eddie's ready to go. He smiles. He blesses us again. He tells us He will have his pastor tell the congregation to pray for our whole church. And he asks us to have our pastor tell the congregation to pray for him. I think, "If Jesus asked me to do that...I'm pretty sure I'd be on board with it..." So, I'm on board with it.

We say goodbye to Eddie, and Eddie says, "He's gonna bless you a hundred times over for this."

Maybe Eddie's right. But I just hope he was blessed...


I was thinking about this whole ordeal later on this afternoon, and what kept coming to mind was, "God, you're so good." Why would I keep saying that though... wasn't it I who bought that coffee for homeless Eddie today? "No, no, no," God whispers back, "It was Jesus who you bought coffee for... and it was I who let you see Him."

So, maybe I bought Jesus coffee today.

But today... His name was Eddie.

Soon

Soon I will start a quote blog. I've been dreaming up this quote blog for months now. It's true. Ask Meg and Emily. It began with Tuesday staff meetings... then I realized how many other awesome things are said in this world... and most of them make me want to pee my pants. I will refrain from saying any right now... it's all about anticipation. Feel it? You should. This quote blog's gonna be money! Soon.

...very soon.

Why I love Tuesdays

It seems like no matter how late I stay up Monday night, Tuesday morning I'm awake at 5:30am, bright-eyed and bushy-bangs. So I go to the gym, and it's wonderful. I like getting to the gym really early...really early...when the stars are still mixed in with that arriving light of dawn... And when there are about four other people total, one of which is already dedicated to her cycling machine... already sweating, turning those magazine pages, iPod ear buds in place... I could get there at 5:02am and someone's already on their second treadmill-mile... (you thought I was crazy).

But I like that. I like seeing fellow early risers. I go in and give the head-nod... cycling girl nods back... treadmill man lifts a couple fingers ("heeeyyy..."). It's like this kinship we have. Mark wishes me well as I gear up for my cross-trainer (cleverly stamped "X-trainer"...cause it's extreme like that). Shoes tight? check. Socks un-bunched? check. iPod secure? check. Bathroom? (....wait, did I go to the bathroom yet?) no. K...back to the bathroom (the empty bladder is key here for maximum achievement of cardio endurance building) .....NOW I'm ready...
Ready? check.

So begins my Tuesday. I love Tuesdays.

After spending time in the gym "world" (yes, it is one of my many), I pop in a good soundtrack-to-a-sunrise type CD and cruise on downtown to my awesome breakfast club. No mistaking it, this lifegroup rocks! Today, we revisited the message from Sunday night, and I have to say, there was so much to think about, be convicted about, receive grace for, and just love Jesus because of. I love these women's thoughts...and I love the Bible...and I love that we get to think about the Bible together on Tuesday mornings...

Anyway, I was SUPER hyper, so the other half of Meghan's oatmeal and the start of my cultural anthropology chapter are all kind of blurred together in this somewhere. I think I might have gotten into a debate about Star Wars movies with Danielle at some point... And I'm pretty sure I said that Sean Connery was the reason that Indianna Jones: The Last Crusade is the best one of the used-to-be trilogy. I DO know that I left everyone with this recommendation: Derrick Webb's CD, Mockingbird. Really good. A bit controversial, but if you want to prep yourself for the Stirring's "Elephant" series... it may contribute.

Mockingbirds and elephants.... animals that were part of my Tuesday today...

Speaking of... I haven't even talked about Tuesday staff meetings yet... that's a whole blog in and of itself.

Another reason why I love Tuesdays.

My Many Worlds

I live in about six different worlds. One is school. One is home. One is church. One is past. One is present. And one is my future and all those dreams I have about it...
These worlds are composed of "subworlds," if you will, splitting my already di- (wait, what's the prefix meaning "six"?) hexchotomized life into about 17 worlds total. No big deal though. I mean, who doesn't have a bazillion different aspects of life that they must learn to balance, connect, and interweave with each other? The hard part for me is the switching over... how do you get to 17 different worlds in one day... ok, one month even? Physically is hard enough (if you can figure out how to get me from a meeting ending at 6:30 to a life group starting at 6, on time, let me know), BUT the hardest is mentally... My mind is like a nail... it's all about the depth, people. Start driving it into something and the goal is to get deep enough so that whatever needs to be connected (or hung) is CONNECTED (or HUNG!). Sometimes I wish my mind could be more like that wide packaging tape... so much surface area... "let's just get all the bases covered and focus on the next destination"...ya know, that kind of thing.

But no. I dig. And to uproot me just when I'm getting started...? shoot, talk about getting hit on the head with a hammer over and over again all day long. It's not a SUPER huge deal--I just haven't found my groove yet. I just need to figure out this "dance of life" (was that a song?). Anyway, Heaven help me, my many worlds WILL get more than whatever can just connect them at the edges!!!
uh.... well, only if Heaven helps me that is...
Maybe that's why I'm writing this... let's all just pray that Heaven helps me.


Oh.

And if you're wondering...

I LOVE those wonderful worlds in which I dwell... In the "school" arena: I LOVE my classes (almost all of them!), my friends, worship for chapel (my team and my supervisor--Travis O--you rock). In the "home" arena: I LOVE LOVE LOVE my family (my parents, sisters, and niece and nephew !), my long-time friends, even my highschool. In the "church" arena: I don't even know where to start--worship, lifegroups, friends/family, dreams and visions, realities--I LOVE the Stirring!

So this is the part at the end of it all where I just say, "My many worlds... ROCK." And I wouldn't trade them for... the world...???

We love.

Gotta admit... I'm having a hard time with the fact that it's my own voice I'm listening to in this thing... but the cinematography of/heart behind this video has me obsessed. Awesome job, Nate.

I love.


We love. from the Stirring on Vimeo.