If I could gain anything...

I probably shouldn't be on the computer right now... it's my Sabbath today. Are there rules in the ten commandments about being on your computer during Sabbath? Probably... maybe the part that says "...to keep it holy." But that only makes me wonder what "holy" is anyway...

Well, until God speaks more clearly to me about this (or convicts me to the point of no escape, like He has to resort to sometimes), I'm going to write a blog about Him in the middle of my Sabbath today. Because I started my Sabbath with these thoughts about Him, and they are continuing strongly. And I blog when these kinds of thoughts continue like this. I don't know what else to do sometimes... it's just what I have in my hand...

So, this is where you would find me if you walked into my room right now...

You'd see the back of my head--hair all pony-tailed up and slightly dancing by the command of steadily descending air from my ceiling fan. You'd see my awesome, little vintage desk pushed up against my awesome, yellow-painted wall, underneath this awesome, creatively-painted sunset scene on the 3x4ft canvas that I pretend is a window sometimes. You'd see me sitting at it, on my laptop, typing this blog as if it were an email to a long-lost triplet I just discovered I had...or a letter to the President, inquiring about the mystery that is gas-prices. And you'd probably see the T.V. to my right, the tiny electric guitar amp to my left, and a few un-hung pictures awaiting my constantly stolen attention. But more than anything else, what I'd hope you see, and what you'd EVENTUALLY see (if you ventured into my room further), is the true grace and generosity pervading this place in which I currently dwell--this place that has been handed openly to me with blessing upon blessing poured all over it--this place that the Gafners have revealed the hospitable heart of God through and have welcomed my wandering, terrified, graduating-and-growing-up new self into. And where, every day I can depart and return rest-assured that, indeed, the Father does provide. He has provided for me my whole life, and He continues to provide for me as though I am sufficiently and quite excellently earning it all.

...But I have never earned any of this... And in all my efforts, I have only found the part of me that deserves a sufficient amount of reprimand and probably "a good spank on the bottom" as my mother would say... In all of my efforts, the only thing that I have found to be sufficient is His GRACE. His grace upon grace upon grace... that He has only ever poured and poured and poured onto me. I had never dared to ask for it... Fortunately for me, He had never dared wait until then to give it anyway. And so all I find now, is myself ENVELOPED in it--this grace that has sustained and provided for me. All I find now, is myself indescribably grateful.

And this is where you would find me if you walked into my room right now...

Back of my head, pony-tailed hair, vintage desk, yellow wall, sunset scene, and pictures not yet in place... But hopefully more than anything, and probably eventually... you would find this dwelling place that displays the very generosity of what we have been talking about at the Stirring lately... you would find this example of God's giving and sharing and open hand, that, out of an open heart, gives whatever is in it... And you would find me exactly where I find myself...

Indescribably grateful... praying that if I can gain anything, it would only be a heart that is the same way.


If I could gain anything right now, it would be a generous heart like the Gafners'...















...in whose house I can even enjoy this maybe marred Sabbath ;)