Saturday, January 3, 2009 | By: Jenna

Sometimes I wonder what He'll say.

Sometimes I wonder what God will say when He speaks to me. I search for Him in the business of my day, and I wonder if He'll tell me to slow down. He doesn't seem to. I seek Him in the quiet places that are so hard for me to escape to, and I wonder if He'll ask me why I'm not doing something else with my time. He doesn't seem to say that either. It's when I'm busy that I hear the "Persevere through this" as gentle as always. It's when I'm still and quiet that I hear, "This is good." I question God on this..."Why don't you tell me to take a break when I feel like I'm running myself to death?! Why don't you tell me to move when I feel like I'm neglecting my responsibilities?!" Is He that gracious that He speaks to me where I am in accordance to what I'm going through? Maybe He is. Maybe He's not the type to rub in my face that I've overbooked myself...again. And I guess He never really argues when I calm my soul and come looking for Him. He encourages me through my busy days. He calls me to his purposes. He doesn't tell me to go back and change my messy actions--they are done--and I am still His. He doesn't mock my commitments made in overzealous moments--I have made them--and I am still His. I move through my mistakes and He is there to see me make it despite them. I do His bidding. And He loves my rest. He sees my anxiety and calls it to peace, knows my thirst and comes with the water, says my name while I misplace my focus. And He loves what I finally shove to his feet. It takes me a while...but sometimes I do get there...and I wonder what He'll say tomorrow.

3 comments:

Annie said...

I feel like I need to drink in your words a few times to actually grasp them, you mean God doesn't follow us around constantly reprimanding, correcting, and redirecting, but meets us where we're at? Profound and much more restful. Good words friend.

James Spencer said...

Very good words at the end. "He doesn't tell me to go back and change my messy actions--they are done--and I am still His... He loves what i finally shove to his feet." These words are so powerful Jenna. I read a book last semester called Messy Spirituality by Michael Yaconelli, you may want to check it out, pick it up, or borrow it. You are soo awesome and I am privelaged to have you as my worship leader and friend!

There is a cool quote towards the beginning that says "Spirituality is anything but a straight line; it is a mixed-up, topsy-turvy, helter-skelter godliness that turns our lives into an upside-down toboggan ride full of unexpected turns, surprise bumps, and bone-shattering crashes. In other words, messy spirituality is the delirious consequence of a life ruined by a Jesus who will love us right into his arms." -Mike Yaconelli, Messy Spirituality

Sarah said...

I love this..it's beautiful...

Last night I was thinking about you and all this.....and I was reminded of that time when your mind was quiet for once and the Lord spoke to you very clearly in the middle of prayer....
...not exactly sure why that came to mind...
but then I read this..:)

He does speak to you and meet you where you're at...amazing